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Thread: AW Education: Why do girls fake orgasms?

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    AW Education: Why do girls fake orgasms?

    AW Education: Why do girls fake orgasms??
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    Because both porn and men assert that moaning and carrying on is part of sex for a woman and that she orgasms from penetration readily.

    It's conditioning and social nonsense.

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    AW Model AW chatterbox kylie_h's Avatar
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    While I agree wholeheartedly with the fact that porn and a select few people (not just men) assert that sex is meant to be over the top which can lead to faking, I think it's a deeper problem than just what we see in porn at work.

    Why do some people think that "real sex" is defined by a male orgasm? Why do some people think women (or men) have to orgasm to enjoy sex? Why do some women place the responsibility for their own orgasm on their partner's shoulders? I know people who think porn is "disgusting" and don't watch it who think these things.

    If you can make yourself orgasm, you should never have to go without orgasming during a sexual encounter. And if you can't make yourself orgasm (and you want to) I recommend a trip to a sex shop, some lubricant and many wonderful evenings of exploring yourself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kylie_h View Post
    While I agree wholeheartedly with the fact that porn and a select few people (not just men) assert that sex is meant to be over the top which can lead to faking, I think it's a deeper problem than just what we see in porn at work.

    Why do some people think that "real sex" is defined by a male orgasm? Why do some people think women (or men) have to orgasm to enjoy sex? Why do some women place the responsibility for their own orgasm on their partner's shoulders? I know people who think porn is "disgusting" and don't watch it who think these things.

    If you can make yourself orgasm, you should never have to go without orgasming during a sexual encounter. And if you can't make yourself orgasm (and you want to) I recommend a trip to a sex shop, some lubricant and many wonderful evenings of exploring yourself.
    I don't agree that placing responsibility for your orgasm on your partner is wrong; masturbating together is different from sex -- though not exclusive. If a man orgasms from penetrating his partner, fondling her, receiving oral, footjobs, etc., etc., isn't it sensible that this should be equally true in the reverse? To take care of yourself, your partner would either be using you and getting themselves off solely, or you'd be getting yourselves off at the same time -- again, separate from sex, but not exclusive.

    I think it's near impossible for a man to be selfless lover, or even an equal one, simply by virtue of biology. So I believe a woman placing responsibility on herself to reach whatever pleasure she is wanting, is a sign that her body is being used more than it is being shared.

  5. #5
    AW Model AW chatterbox kylie_h's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LlovesM View Post
    I don't agree that placing responsibility for your orgasm on your partner is wrong; masturbating together is different from sex -- though not exclusive. If a man orgasms from penetrating his partner, fondling her, receiving oral, footjobs, etc., etc., isn't it sensible that this should be equally true in the reverse? To take care of yourself, your partner would either be using you and getting themselves off solely, or you'd be getting yourselves off at the same time -- again, separate from sex, but not exclusive.

    I think it's near impossible for a man to be selfless lover, or even an equal one, simply by virtue of biology. So I believe a woman placing responsibility on herself to reach whatever pleasure she is wanting, is a sign that her body is being used more than it is being shared.
    I disagree that taking responsibility for your own pleasure is the same as mutual masturbation. I have never met a man who doesn't take responsibility for his own orgasm, the most generous lovers I've ever had also ensure that they enjoy themselves. I'm not suggesting a woman should exclude her partner from her orgasm, merely that to accuse a man of being inept purely on the basis of her failing to orgasm shows a failing on her part and not his.

    I think the concept of a selfless lover is inherently selfish. I personally derive great pleasure from watching a partner orgasm. Sex itself is so much more exciting when everyone is seeing stars from pleasure. While I agree that men are biologically different, they are certainly not better able to receive pleasure - that my dear, is the social conditioning you mentioned. I can achieve orgasm in less than half the time that my partner can, I'm also capable of achieving orgasm multiple times a night, and I can orgasm with very little effort on my part as the things my partner does during sex which cause him to achieve orgasm work wonders on me with a simple adjustment of my hips every now and then - sounds like I'm biologically inclined to being a selfish lover?

    The activities you desribed - "penetrating his partner, fondling her, receiving oral, footjobs" - two of those are active (the man taking responsibility for his orgasm) and two of those are passive, giving the control over to his partner. If he wasn't enjoying the oral sex or the footjob, how many men would allow it to continue until they became bored enough with the sex to fake an orgasm? The point I meant to make, was that people have the responsibility to find out what they like, and work with their partner to get it. Lying back and expecting someone else to do all the work is fine, so long as you're not then going to turn around and be upset that they "never make you cum".

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    Quote Originally Posted by kylie_h View Post
    I disagree that taking responsibility for your own pleasure is the same as mutual masturbation. I have never met a man who doesn't take responsibility for his own orgasm, the most generous lovers I've ever had also ensure that they enjoy themselves. I'm not suggesting a woman should exclude her partner from her orgasm, merely that to accuse a man of being inept purely on the basis of her failing to orgasm shows a failing on her part and not his.

    I think the concept of a selfless lover is inherently selfish. I personally derive great pleasure from watching a partner orgasm. Sex itself is so much more exciting when everyone is seeing stars from pleasure. While I agree that men are biologically different, they are certainly not better able to receive pleasure - that my dear, is the social conditioning you mentioned. I can achieve orgasm in less than half the time that my partner can, I'm also capable of achieving orgasm multiple times a night, and I can orgasm with very little effort on my part as the things my partner does during sex which cause him to achieve orgasm work wonders on me with a simple adjustment of my hips every now and then - sounds like I'm biologically inclined to being a selfish lover?

    The activities you desribed - "penetrating his partner, fondling her, receiving oral, footjobs" - two of those are active (the man taking responsibility for his orgasm) and two of those are passive, giving the control over to his partner. If he wasn't enjoying the oral sex or the footjob, how many men would allow it to continue until they became bored enough with the sex to fake an orgasm? The point I meant to make, was that people have the responsibility to find out what they like, and work with their partner to get it. Lying back and expecting someone else to do all the work is fine, so long as you're not then going to turn around and be upset that they "never make you cum".
    Different life experiences, different perspectives, different opinions. Makes life interesting! Thank you for sharing yours ^^

    I'm slightly soured on the whole issue, though. I was abused as a child and teenager, so I've developed something of an inability to orgasm. It's as upsetting and annoying as you might imagine it to be lol. But I can still kinda enjoy masturbating sometimes, especially thanks to all you beautiful Abby girls. The idea of sex can excite me in the right scenario, but it's pretty irritating in action. So I really enjoy watching other women masturbate without any of the fake porn tropes or stereotypical models. That natural, personal, real vibe that you guys go for suits me wonderfully. Because of my sexual frustration, I do get bored easily, though, so I find myself jumping from kink to kink, searching for relief. AW is a bit tame for that :P

    Anywho, that's my short ramble. Thanks for all the awesome work and I looooove your solos

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    Different perspectives are definitely what makes the world go round and I apologise that I can get a little ranty! Hehe.

    I'm really very sorry to hear about your experiences. Is your inability to orgasm something you've considered seeking treatment for or is it something you've decided to accept as a fact of life? I know there are some awesome sexual therapists in America, but I'm sure most countries have them.

    I think AW can be a bit tamer than other sites, but I certainly think it's more realistic. I mean, maybe there are people out there who have the kind of kinky sex you see on some sites, but I think that kind of thing is all about the concept and imagery (which don't get me wrong, is SUPER hot it and of itself at the right time). The coolest thing about AW in my mind is seeing how many different ways people masturbate, all the positions and techniques. It really is amazing.

    Ramble away, it's the best place for it I find! Hehe. Glad to hear you like my shoots (assuming you meant mine personally and not solos in general)

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    Quote Originally Posted by kylie_h View Post
    Different perspectives are definitely what makes the world go round and I apologise that I can get a little ranty! Hehe.

    I'm really very sorry to hear about your experiences. Is your inability to orgasm something you've considered seeking treatment for or is it something you've decided to accept as a fact of life? I know there are some awesome sexual therapists in America, but I'm sure most countries have them.

    I think AW can be a bit tamer than other sites, but I certainly think it's more realistic. I mean, maybe there are people out there who have the kind of kinky sex you see on some sites, but I think that kind of thing is all about the concept and imagery (which don't get me wrong, is SUPER hot it and of itself at the right time). The coolest thing about AW in my mind is seeing how many different ways people masturbate, all the positions and techniques. It really is amazing.

    Ramble away, it's the best place for it I find! Hehe. Glad to hear you like my shoots (assuming you meant mine personally and not solos in general)
    I've seen some shrinks and done some therapy on and off through the years. But I just hit a wall and no amount of anything can push past it, if you get me. It's a stretch, but I think the easiest way to explain it, is try to imagine convincing someone with really bad schizophrenia not to hear/see/feel untrue things. They can understand that it's not real, study about and look objectively at their illness, but none of it stops the voices. You can know a belief or fear will pass and is untrue and harmless, but still find yourself powerless over it.

    My boyfriend and I try various things to ease me into sex, some more successful than others, but none a success. We've basically decided my best bet is to be with a girl, so I've started looking for a girlfriend. All the fantasies and kinks that work for me involve women, so he's understanding. I really, really, really didn't want to, because I'm not one for cheating or hurting a loved one. But he explained to me by saying I need something he can't give me. If that something will make me happy, he wants me to get it. Pretty amazing, huh

    Totally. The personality that shines through AW content is easily the best feature. No stereotype or stock shoot. It looks like the girls are given the freedom to be themselves. We, the viewers, are peeking into their sex life, not watching an actress try to satisfy us. It's much more erotic! I also love all the different kinds of girls you have. The blonde, fair skinned starlet is kind of played out and tiresome. The imperfections and unique characteristics of each person is what makes them beautiful and sexy. A freckle here, a mole there, a little tummy fat, any of the million different kinds of vagina out there -- it's all fascinating. It's also more empowering and inspires a lot of respect in me for the AW girls, the way they show themselves and allow the world to see them very raw and real, is crazy sexy and brave.

    Yeah, I love your shoots. You're one of my favourite models. You're so gorgeous! Your cheeky smiles and girly face, framed with your pretty hair, gets me every time. Not to mention the figure and naughty parts :P

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    kylie, a curiosity on my part. So many articles say MOST women cannot achieve orgasm from penetration alone. But so many AW models, whether solo or G/G "seem" to orgasm from fingers inside their vagina. I have a steady girlfriend who can only reach orgasm from direct pressing on her clit. It can be done manually but she prefers a large vibrator directly on the clit.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redsails View Post
    kylie, a curiosity on my part. So many articles say MOST women cannot achieve orgasm from penetration alone. But so many AW models, whether solo or G/G "seem" to orgasm from fingers inside their vagina. I have a steady girlfriend who can only reach orgasm from direct pressing on her clit. It can be done manually but she prefers a large vibrator directly on the clit.
    Penetration by a penis and a woman masturbating are very different things. Also, they key is most woman can't orgasm from penetration "alone." Meaning most women won't orgasm just from being penetrated. Clitoral stimulation, mood, atmosphere, massage, intimacy, excitement, g-spot pressure, anal -- the sensations and feelings leading to orgasm for a woman are generally greater. Where a man can commonly orgasm simply from having his penis stroked, women usually require a lot more attention.

  11. #11
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    Well said LlovesM, being penetrated by a penis and being penetrated by a finger are two very different things! Fingers have the wonderful ability to explore the inside of the vagina, they can select where to direct the pleasure, they can individually tease and pay attention to the inner and outter labia on the way inside, they do so much more than fill the slot. A penis by comparison is just one solid lump - a very enjoyable lump though it has to be said.

    One of the interesting things I have found over my sexual years is how my orgasms and ability to orgasm have changed. When I was younger I used to say I was 'broken' and couldn't orgasm through sex - it took me till I was well into my 20s till I managed this.

    To start with I used to masturbaite on my tummy, by touching my clitoris through my underwear - no idea why, but the material made all the difference. Then I turned over onto my back and I started using my fingers inside as well as out - I find stimulation around the hole is invaluable these days, it is the start to the end so to speak!

    The break through for me in terms of orgasming with just internal stimulation actually came this year. I was in the shower and had a hair mask on that needed 4 minutes setting time - 4 minutes with nothing to do in a watm shower led me to look at my razzor with new eyes and I popped off the razor inself and inserted the handel. I think the shape had alot to do with it and I just rocked it back and forth while also rubbing my clitoris - I started to feel my usual clioripumping orgasm so stopped rubbing that part but kept moving the razor - bingo first internal orgasm and it felt very different to just a clitoris one!

    My body and how I orgasm are always changing and for that reason I agree with what Kylie said about telling your partner what is feeling good, what you are in the mood for so orgasms can be a team effort. I said earlier that orgasms during sex were something I didn' experience till my 20s. You should have seen the work me and my partner put into that first orgasm we were like a sports team celebrating the winning goal!

    This gets us back onto the start of the topic, 'why do woman fake orgasms'. For me I used to fake them because I was embarressed that I couldn't have them and I felt my boyfriends would find me less attractive 'damaged goods' if they didn't get an expected reaction.

    Thankfully I now know that is rubbish and through taking the time to get to know my own body and my own ways of doing things rather than focusing on how I recon everyone else does it (chic flicks are so guilty of showing over orgasmic sex as the normal) I have found a way to make orgasms part of my sex life. I will add that I still don't always orgasm when I have sex with a man - this is not because Men are worse than Woman at pleasuring me. I think the difference is that I don't like people going down on me (I prefer to give than recieve) and as I already said its easier to make me climax with fingers rather than a penis and a woman who can't go down on me will always use fingers, where as a man will probably jump to penetration both sexs are good in bed. It's ok that I don't alway orgasm, I don't need an orgasm to enjoy sex, sex still feels amazing even with out that final buzz and the closeness and dirty ideas that you are able to share with that person is still a wonderful experience regardless.

    Finally LlovesM have you tried a hitachi magic wand? Along my journey to orgasm I came full circle. I started using very powerful sex toys to almost shock the orgasm from myself. Once I got that point I started adding in stories in my head and would turn the powerful toys on and off as I went mixing in fingers. Then I took toy away and it all came together. Your partner sounds lovely you are very lucky.

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    Quote Originally Posted by masie View Post
    Well said LlovesM, being penetrated by a penis and being penetrated by a finger are two very different things! Fingers have the wonderful ability to explore the inside of the vagina, they can select where to direct the pleasure, they can individually tease and pay attention to the inner and outter labia on the way inside, they do so much more than fill the slot. A penis by comparison is just one solid lump - a very enjoyable lump though it has to be said.

    One of the interesting things I have found over my sexual years is how my orgasms and ability to orgasm have changed. When I was younger I used to say I was 'broken' and couldn't orgasm through sex - it took me till I was well into my 20s till I managed this.

    To start with I used to masturbaite on my tummy, by touching my clitoris through my underwear - no idea why, but the material made all the difference. Then I turned over onto my back and I started using my fingers inside as well as out - I find stimulation around the hole is invaluable these days, it is the start to the end so to speak!

    The break through for me in terms of orgasming with just internal stimulation actually came this year. I was in the shower and had a hair mask on that needed 4 minutes setting time - 4 minutes with nothing to do in a watm shower led me to look at my razzor with new eyes and I popped off the razor inself and inserted the handel. I think the shape had alot to do with it and I just rocked it back and forth while also rubbing my clitoris - I started to feel my usual clioripumping orgasm so stopped rubbing that part but kept moving the razor - bingo first internal orgasm and it felt very different to just a clitoris one!

    My body and how I orgasm are always changing and for that reason I agree with what Kylie said about telling your partner what is feeling good, what you are in the mood for so orgasms can be a team effort. I said earlier that orgasms during sex were something I didn' experience till my 20s. You should have seen the work me and my partner put into that first orgasm we were like a sports team celebrating the winning goal!

    This gets us back onto the start of the topic, 'why do woman fake orgasms'. For me I used to fake them because I was embarressed that I couldn't have them and I felt my boyfriends would find me less attractive 'damaged goods' if they didn't get an expected reaction.

    Thankfully I now know that is rubbish and through taking the time to get to know my own body and my own ways of doing things rather than focusing on how I recon everyone else does it (chic flicks are so guilty of showing over orgasmic sex as the normal) I have found a way to make orgasms part of my sex life. I will add that I still don't always orgasm when I have sex with a man - this is not because Men are worse than Woman at pleasuring me. I think the difference is that I don't like people going down on me (I prefer to give than recieve) and as I already said its easier to make me climax with fingers rather than a penis and a woman who can't go down on me will always use fingers, where as a man will probably jump to penetration both sexs are good in bed. It's ok that I don't alway orgasm, I don't need an orgasm to enjoy sex, sex still feels amazing even with out that final buzz and the closeness and dirty ideas that you are able to share with that person is still a wonderful experience regardless.

    Finally LlovesM have you tried a hitachi magic wand? Along my journey to orgasm I came full circle. I started using very powerful sex toys to almost shock the orgasm from myself. Once I got that point I started adding in stories in my head and would turn the powerful toys on and off as I went mixing in fingers. Then I took toy away and it all came together. Your partner sounds lovely you are very lucky.
    Damn, Masie, could you have described it all any sexier. I need a cold shower now :P

    I have an odd relationship with sex toys; I've never been able to use them without feeling "slutty." Like using some sex object to pleasure myself is all very... unsubtle and wrong. Undignified. Like I'd be a bad person for it. My boyfriend has begged me to try some and has bought me a few, but yeah. Call it a mental block.

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    This is where the hitachi magic wand solves all problems! Its not a sex toy it is a massager - ask the guy who invented it he gets SUPER angry at how his invention ended up.

    This means you can use it as part of a lovely massage and maybe to start with just tease yourself a tiny bit putting it over your breasts, bottom and just over the top of your pubic region as part of a full body relaxing couples massage experience. The other good thing about this toy is that you use it externally not internally. Sex toys that go in always can feel invasive and a bit slutty as it is a giant pit of glass, plastic rubber being thrust inside. A gentle massage that stimulates blood flow over your WHOLE body, different thing entirely! xxx

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    Quote Originally Posted by masie View Post
    This is where the hitachi magic wand solves all problems! Its not a sex toy it is a massager - ask the guy who invented it he gets SUPER angry at how his invention ended up.

    This means you can use it as part of a lovely massage and maybe to start with just tease yourself a tiny bit putting it over your breasts, bottom and just over the top of your pubic region as part of a full body relaxing couples massage experience. The other good thing about this toy is that you use it externally not internally. Sex toys that go in always can feel invasive and a bit slutty as it is a giant pit of glass, plastic rubber being thrust inside. A gentle massage that stimulates blood flow over your WHOLE body, different thing entirely! xxx
    That's a pretty cool way of looking at it. But it still feels wrong to me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LlovesM View Post

    My boyfriend and I try various things to ease me into sex, some more successful than others, but none a success. We've basically decided my best bet is to be with a girl, so I've started looking for a girlfriend. All the fantasies and kinks that work for me involve women, so he's understanding. I really, really, really didn't want to, because I'm not one for cheating or hurting a loved one. But he explained to me by saying I need something he can't give me. If that something will make me happy, he wants me to get it. Pretty amazing, huh
    I think you should go for it. What have you got to loose, especially with the support of your Boyfriend. Would it make you feel less guilty if he was in the same room ?...maybe he likes to watch and for sure you would enjoy the experience even more so, knowing at the same time you may be fulfilling a fantasy of his. Also, maybe there's an exhibitionist side of you, yet to be fully discovered.Seriously though, this all could unleash and trigger new sensations in you all waiting to be fully released.....YES ! YES ! OH GOD ! YESSSSSSS !!!!

    p.s if all fails you could always visit Amsterdam for some very tantalizing, tender loving G/G fun.

    TJ
    Last edited by tjsunray; 2nd May 2013 at 02:47 PM.

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