Feeling Connected

[BigSpud]

Since becoming a board moderator I have felt that I needed to do something "Aussie".

So I found these (attached image). I had to spend my entire first month's moderator pay and add $4.00 of my own money, but they were worth it. Mighty good!

[artlover]

I guess it's cheaper than buying a kangaroo...

[BigSpud]

I guess it's cheaper than buying a kangaroo...

That plan had not crossed my mind, but you are correct.

[willow]

Since becoming a board moderator I have felt that I needed to do something "Aussie".

So I found these (attached image). I had to spend my entire first month's moderator pay and add $4.00 of my own money, but they were worth it. Mighty good!

If you haven't already, for a truly Australian experience you should also hunt down some Tim Tams. I know that they're available in Canada and I think they're sold throughout North America as "Arnotts" (which is the name of the Australian company - now US owned - that manufacture them), but check the web because at one point they were being sold as "Double Trouble".

[Millie]

If you really want to feel connected, what you need to do is buy the following ; Beer ( preferably VB or Carlton Draught) a flannel shirt, some moccasins and a beanie. Once you have these items, you should sit out the back in said clothing, on a fold out chair, beer in hand, cricket/footy on the radio, and practice saying things like 'G'day mate' or 'Bloody oath'

You gotta love a good cultural stereotype. Sometimes they are right on!

[Alexis]

The good bit is that ANZAC biscuits are relatively easy to make if you like them. Plenty of recipes available online

[BigSpud]

The good bit is that ANZAC biscuits are relatively easy to make if you like them. Plenty of recipes available online

Cool! Google says 9,470 hits!! I'll have to try making them in a few weeks when I get off vacation.

Thanks,

[artlover]

The redneck version of that stereotype is similar:

Beer (Pabst Blue Ribbon, Miller, or Bud)
Black T-shirt with an American Eagle and/or Dale Earnhardt and/or the number 3--preferably all three. Extra points if the shirt praises the US military.
Shoes optional
Baseball cap with the number 3
Sitting inside with 4 or 5 other guys in front of a big-screen TV, watching NASCAR
Favorite sayings:
Lookit that sumbitch go!
Whoo-ee that's some good poontang (said during commercials with hot models)
Honey, brang me another PBR/Miller/Bud!

Translations for the unitiated:

Dale Earnhardt: NASCAR racing demigod, now deceased. Dale Jr. carries on the tradition, and is a semi-demigod.
NASCAR: Racing with "stock cars"--at one time, these were souped-up production cars. Now the only connection between a race car and a production car is the nameplate. A true redneck knows in his/her heart that all other forms of racing are inferior to NASCAR.
#3. Number of Dale's car
Poontang: Pussy/sex. If you're a NASCAR driver, this comes with the territory. NASCAR drivers are contractually obligated to marry women who were Playboy playmates or could be.

To a redneck, "football" means guys in pads and lots of tackling. Soccer is a wimp game because of scores like 1-0. Footy is not even on the redneck map. The redneck experience of Australia is limited to Outback Steakhouse, kangaroos and Rachel Hunter. The more educated rednecks might know where Elle McPherson is from--they sure as shit know who she is.

Well, I think I've offended enough people for now...

[Millie]

Australian football is superior to both of these games. It incorporates the tackling of American football, the short shorts of soccer, and scores are often in the high nineties, and even hundreds.

[Millie]

As for the 'redneck Australian' (known locally as bogans, occas or ferals), their experience of the US of A is as follows : Everyone is either a gun totin' hillbilly, with few teeth, who engages in incest and shoots pigs OR They are a gun totin gang member, who engages in gang bangs and takes lots of drugs.

This is fun! If I have offended anyone, I am sorry. It's all in fun. Besides, I'm picking on my own culture....

[Millie]

For the record, Rachel Hunter is a Kiwi

[Philos]

If cookies come, can Millie be far behind?

[Millie]

I would like to see some of those hillbillies up close... well, maybe not too close

A very good friend of mine recently fell in love with a young man from a small town in Arkansaw. My friend is very much a city girl - loves fashion, loves to party, loves luxuries. In a few months she is going to stay with said youngman, and his family, on their Christmas tree farm.

I have asked that video tapes the experience, and should she meet any 'hillbillies', to ask them to say a big hello to Millie in that charming Southern drawl. I'm quite jealous.

[BigSpud]

... a small town in Arkansaw.....

Dear, sweet Millie,

I hate to be the one to point out to you (and not being from the US, I am sure you would never suspect) that the state's name is Arkansas. Yep! Pronounced the way you spelled it, but not spelled that way. I don't know how that happened because the state of Kansas is pronounced like it is spelled.

I feel more connected already. Actually, I have felt pretty connected over the years of being on this board. It is really fun!

Spud

[willow]

I hate to be the one to point out to you (and not being from the US, I am sure you would never suspect) that the state's name is Arkansas.

Just to further confuse matters, there is actually a town named Arkansaw (and spelled that way) in Wisconsin. Apparently there's even a theatre restaurant called "Arkansaw Traveller" ... in Arkansas, and it appears there was (is?) an Arkansas newspaper also named "Arkansaw Traveller".

Will you guys just make up your minds

[BigSpud]

...Will you guys just make up your minds

No.

[artlover]

Just to muddy the waters further, some people pronounce Arkansas to rhyme with Kansas. Perhaps they are being ornery.

Dang, those Kiwis are great looking. Rachel and Lucy Lawless. Whoa.

Millie, I am not offended by those stereotypes. After all, we had a part in making them, what with endless gangsta videos and the Beverly Hillbillies, which had guns and pigs but no incest. We are adding new ones, such as the Soccer Mom, who drives a big SUV full of kids to and from soccer practice and stays in good shape by regular visits to the gym. Hey, this is a pretty good stereotype.

Others:

Bohemian students: Piercings, loose clothes, permanent slouch, lives/works in coffeeshops, drives a car with six dozen tiny stickers of bands with provocative names. Females also known as PCBs--Pale Chicks in Black.

Fundamentalist babes: No piercings except ears, well-scrubbed, very very white. Most of her flesh is covered but she will accentuate her curves to attract a fundamentalist guy to marry and submit to.

Techno-geeks: nearly all male, white shirts, nearsighted, shirt protectors, terrified by women and exposure to the sun. English is a second language, first is C++.

I will outrage more folks later...

[Stinky]

Just to prove we good 'ol boys are charmingly inconsistant, we have an Arkansas River here in Oklahoma and it is pronounced as it is spelled. We also have a town Miami and pronounce it my-am'-ah.

[alleyes1]

The mascot of the main university in Arkansas is called the Razorbacks. Any Aussie's care to guess what a Razorback is?

[sterling2]

A wild ---- ????

[Millie]

Umm - a made up animal that only exists for the sake of naming a football team? That or an Anteater

We have a version of the bomemians class - we call them students, or hippies. They have dreads, protest the government, were the last ppl to get mobile phones and scorn commercial TV. They are my secret heroes.

I'm not sure if we have an Aussie version of Fundamentalists, though if someone can correct moi on that, please do.

And your weird ass spelling is just plain confusing!

[artlover]

No, the Razorback is a real animal. Arkansas is not known for its anteater population.

Interesting. Over here, at least half the students between classes have a cellphone to their ears.

I love it when girls say "wierd ass"

[bifman]

Originally Posted by Millie
ld like to see some of those hillbillies up close... well, maybe not too close

Millie -
I recently watched the new movie "Dukes of Hazard", from the 80's USA TV show of the same name, about a couple of guys that run around in '70's era Dodge Charger at about 240 mph (that’s like 30,000 km/hr I'm pretty sure...) on all the back dirt roads of the very rural south. All the while dodging bullets, potholes and apparently any opportunity to get laid since that is ALL that is discussed, but never appears to actually happen. Said show is obligatory viewing if you live in the south I believe [see Artlover #8 above]) but you might want to drink seven or eight beers and check it out. A veritable wealth of information on one of the cornerstones of this fine country. I'm sure that "hillbillyness" is soon to become one of our better exports. Although I discovered the term "hillbilly" is now being phased out in lieu of "Appalachian American...."


---bif"billy"man

[alleyes1]

The Razorback is a wild hog.

[Millie]

So why, pray tell, is it called a razerback?

[alleyes1]

In all honesty, I don't remember. I'll look it up, but I'll tell you a little secret. Shhh....
I'm from the 25th state.

Alleyes

[willow]

Because it has a distinctive dorsal ridge.

[alleyes1]

Gees, Willow. What can I say????

[willow]

Here's a link that includes "Razorback" and "Arkansas" in the same page

This talk of razorbacks rang a very faint Australian-sounding bell somewhere in the dim dark recesses of my mind. Took a bit of creative googling, but I found it.

[alleyes1]

During football games they used to have a cage on wheels that had a BIG hog in it that would just sleep (mostly) but they stopped that. They now have a guy in a "hog" suit that runs around getting the crowd excited.