Your flexible friend

[lilytime]

So near and yet so far. Vivienne gets in the ideal position to lick herself and it doesn't happen. So do you have any more ever so bendy models who are able to perform the ultimate solo sex act? And they don't have to do it for long, 25 to 30 minutes would be adequate. And the dildo drive? Does it have to be a dildo? How about my toothbrush or tv remote control? They could do with seeing a bit of the world. And I would like them back, aroma intact of course. Peace and love and all that.

[deviant]

I'm assuming I've missed the sarcasm tags in this post.

[sqrt17]

Dear Mr. Lilityme,

let me present my condolance over your present state of mind, which is probably due to the production of credible gibberish as your condition is common with a great number of other marketing and public relation professionals, who, by force of credible gibberish production throughout the week, are unable to stop it even in private life.
But there is hope. Fortunately, or company has developed a product named DissociatedPress(tm), which fully automates the production of credible gibberish, easing the cognitive load on the advertising professional, the amateur gibberish producer and other creatives throughout the country. Of course, as with every machine translation or text generation software, post-editing for readability and consistent use of clichés makes the result even better.
To give you an impression of the power and ease of use of DissociatedPress(tm), we provide a sample of post-edited gibberish that, as you will surely agree, comes close to the quality of even your best credible gibberish:

Not appress that wasm? I can see orifice agony website for long, 25 told you ages. This makes most groversial issues all the same. But before it and we just the moment. Forget a speeds' and real pubic
hair. Finally, British, Americks to a halt. Forget what was I thinking? Even their Mime, then lez each ideas world counsellors fly, a long solo sex act?
Britney Spears way of not drown in thosed' cone? It's not drown in there, I really dolence its might havers way of not draphy. Astute. And again I'll four Mimming pool action, you've got enough of the world. And I reappears aroma intact if you're significant, appropriate even if and it does Biannung ladies, but why is and do with seeing a few thousand American, British and they don't know why I bout doesn't happen. Says I only do this comes in and just shrug. I me experiments said? Doesn't know when I see Photography. And a dildo? How about masturbating, grades, half its position of that somes there even the moose up of the my point so I tried Downly gets a chair might below the battery-powered and nothing gets said I'll mate solo sex ace to discuss such a British or Agony website. And sending in 1660 opossums.

Kind Regards,
Dasdalun Dadaíevsky,
associate chairman of the Australian Board of Gibberish Producers

[sqrt17]

Oh wait, I forgot the sarcasm tags in my post, too.
Please cut these out and glue them at the appropriate places:
<sarcasm> </sarcasm>
<irony> </irony>

[lilytime]

Poor sweet babies. It seems I've only gone and done it again. Upsetting people is not clever or funny. Shall I apologise and promise not to do it again?

[Philos]

I wonder if Lilytime is British, 'cos I found his original post amusing - not offensive, not gibberish, just amusing. What's up with you other folks? Lighten up! (as I believe you say in far flung places).

[arsby]

Dunno. Didn't upset me. I too was wondering why Vivienne didn't do the "ultimate solo sex act". And why the f-- not with a TV remote control? Why... anything longer than it is wide (and not too too big) would do.

Did you know that not only women can do it with a TV remote c... oops, said too much.

[lilytime]

Philos would be right, I lives on the sunny south coast. On a clear day I can see Beachy Head. And as for getting people upset, it stems back to me losing it on a couple of occasions and calling everyone bastards and hypocrites etc. But I always apologise, even if there is nothing to apologise for, as in this case.

[Philos]

it stems back to me losing it on a couple of occasions and calling everyone bastards and hypocrites etc. But I always apologise, even if there is nothing to apologise for

What a hypocritical bastard! (insert 100 smileys here)

[lilytime]

Do as I say, not as I say I do. Boing, boing Baggies.

[sqrt17]

I too was wondering why Vivienne didn't do the "ultimate solo sex act".

I guess most people would think that using your fingers or your partner's tongue is much more convenient than actively holding an uncomfortable position for half an hour. (I know that's not the answer you wanted to hear. But the alternative one in which Vivienne actually did it and they cut it out because of bad lighting conditions due to an alien invasion army landing their ufo was prefered only by 20% of the panelists)

And why the f-- not with a TV remote control? Why... anything longer than it is wide (and not too too big) would do.

While there's some evidence that some women use electric toothbrushes as a masturbation aid, I don't really see the advantage of a remote control over a shampoo bottle or a vegetable. And if the models were all keen to do vegetable insertions there would be no need for members sending in dildos (and even less for members sending in fresh cucumbers, empty beer bottles or remote controls).
And I bet the cucumber that makes an appearance in this shoot at girlsoutwest.com wasn't really in a condition minty enough for lilytime to get it back afterwards, had it been his.

Oh, and I would have found lilytime's post amusing too, were it not for the fact that I know for certain that he is part of a DARPA-sponsored programme to replace porn site members by mindless artificial intelligence-driven bots that will one time riot and push for the instatement of an additional smiley beyond the Canonical Twelve.
Luckily, A.R.S.E. has been informed and will be able to take appropriate steps in time.

[artlover]

Boing, boing Baggies.

Is this that rhyming slang I have heard so much about?

[Philos]

Cor, you lot are so ignorant. As any cultured person knows, it is the war-cry of the follwers of West Bromwich Albion (an association football team, m'lud). And that explains a great deal about Mr lilytime: he's not crazy after all, just a normal Baggies supporter.

[artlover]

I knew that.

[arsby]

i googled it and got all these football hits

what ever happened to "go baggies go"

here in the states baggies are plastic bags to put sandwiches in

(In honor of some mentions of him, I'm practicing my Elfie Posts.)

[brownboyletamb]

do you like pizza?

[Roops]

Do you like pizza while walking around nude?

[Philos]

Do you like pizza while walking around nude?

Will there be video?

[evangeline]

Do you like pizza while walking around nude?

No...but I like pizza delivery guys while walking around in the nude....

[artlover]

I knew I quit the delivery business too soon...